Little Johnny

Steve , Michael and I took a trip to Bloomington, IN recently to attend the IU/Purdue football game. We had a great time and Michael got to rush the field after an exciting 27-24 victory. Needless to say all the students were partying and having a great time.

After the game my dad was meeting us so I went to the front of the parking lot to escort him back to our tailgating area. While standing there I found myself hugged and straddled by a very drunk college guy ( we will call him little Johnny) who began to profess his love for me. I gently removed his appendages from my body took his face in my hands explaining slowly that he was very drunk and I was a forty year old woman. This did not seem to phase him and he continued to insist that he loved me. I turned to his buddy and told him to get him home before he got in trouble and they proceeded to cross the busy street. Little Johnny had a little trouble judging distances which lead to him being in the spotlight of two headlights. This did not phase little Johnny as he began to gyrate in the street with the head lights and the driver glaring at him. He crossed the street and jumped on a trampoline in front of an apartment building. It was surrounded by parked cars. As I waited for little Johnny’s head to become impaled in one of the windshields a thought crossed my mind. Somewhere little Johnny has a mother. She is most likely home reading since she can’t afford to socialize because she is paying college tuition for little Johnny. I could imagine her staring fondly into the distance thinking of how proud she is of Little Johnny. I could hear her bragging to her friends, “My Little Johnny is at Indiana University. We are so proud of him. He is quite the student and from the sounds of things he has made lots of friends.”

I don’t know what happened to little Johnny but I searched to paper the next day for fatalities and found none. I wish I had gotten his real name because I fear one day I will be in need of a doctor and it will turn out to be little Johnny. I just hope he cares as much about me then as he did Saturday night.


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