I am ashamed to admit it but when I grocery shop now I make my selections based on their weight and bulkiness.

In the good ole days I could take a toddler, a large purse, a baby in a carrier and spend no less than 200.oo on groceries. With the strength of a young woman I would load it all in my van and unload and put it away when I returned home.  Looking back I can’t believe I did all that and only drank wine on occasion in the evening. I should have been a day drinker!

These days I trudge down the aisles and seriously consider joining Meals-On-Wheels.

Everything that’s good for me requires cooking and everything that is heavy doesn’t seem worth the effort.

I’m so tired of grocery shopping. I have been grocery shopping for the past 30 years and the only feedback I have gotten is that we don’t have anything to eat in our house. (For the record grocery shopping is the only shopping that fatigues me.  Somehow those Macy’s bags don’t seem so heavy.)

Gone are the days of buying beverages by the case to save money. I can only commit to a 12 pack of diet coke and that is if I am having a really good day and I am not having a hot flash. If I’m having a hot flash I am pulling through the drive thru for my diet coke and everyone is on their own for dinner.

When it comes to those 25-pound bags of dog food you can forget it. I would rather feed my dog cheeseburgers than haul a huge bag of food. What do these dog food people think that I have a farm hand at home to unload their dog food?

Perishables are a big commitment because they must be put away as soon as I arrive home.  I much prefer items that can be left on the counter in the bag until the next day. Then I can look through each bag and because I have menopausal memory loss I can be surprised and amazed at all my purchases!

It’s no wonder I’m tired of grocery shopping! It really is quite labor intensive.  You load all your groceries into the cart, then you unload them onto the conveyor belt and unless you have better luck than I do you bag them and load them back into your cart.  This is all before you leave the store.

After several laps around the parking lot with my cart that had a jacked up wheel I finally arrive at my car. I never remember to go out the same door I came in so I get at least ten minutes of cardio just trying to find my car.

I then proceed to unload all the groceries into my crowded trunk. It is usually full of bags intended for the Salvation Army. Unfortunately some of them have been in the back of my car for so long that the clothes are back in style. I will most likely take them back into the house. (By house I mean lay them on the garage floor until my husband finds them, shouts HOARDER and delivers them to the Salvation Army on his way to work.)

After I have rearranged and reminisced about my donations I push the last bag of groceries in the back and slam the door closed.  Being a risk taker I just don’t worry about the groceries falling out on me when I open the door at home.  That’s my idea of living dangerously in my 50’s.

I arrive home exhausted from just the shopping part of the task and proceed to unload all the bags.

Back in the day I had children I could wrangle up and force to help me.  Now I have young adults that are never home. It’s just the dog and me and he is no help unless you count sniffing all the bags and trying to make a break out the back door helpful. If you do I have a great dog for you.

My husband cleaned out the pantry recently and informed me that we had 13 boxes of crackers.

“What’s your point? “ I asked.

“Well let’s just say I think we are good on crackers for a while” he said.

Does he not realize that those crackers were carried through the entire exhausting grocery store process just to make it to our pantry?

Tomorrow night I’m going to have a glass of wine after work. When the boys ask what is for dinner I’m going to tell them “communion”. They can take a sip of my wine and eat a cracker. Grocery shopping problem solved!