It’s that time of year when everywhere you turn there is a cute little freckled face girl with a big smile and a Girl Scout cookie order form. They are ringing doorbells like the bells of Notre Dame and pleading with us with their pitiful little faces to help them get to camp by buying their crack like cookies.
Yes, I compared Girl Scout cookies to crack.
It starts out innocently enough. Some co-worker hangs little Suzy’s order form up and you don’t want to be rude so you sign up for two boxes. Two boxes is nothing you tell yourself. You’ll serve them to company with coffee. They’ll be gone before you know it. Then one of the little crafty creatures strategically rings the doorbell during Downton Abbey. You scribble your name down for a few more boxes and slam the door.
Next thing you know between you and your significant other you have ordered about fifty boxes of cookies and you are in deep. Those Girl Scouts are crafty little dealers. No money up front. No receipts to help you keep track of how many you have ordered. Just a smile and a thank you.
Then February rolls around and they are on you like a rabid dog. Those little vest wearing angels are calling, texting and leaving messages with your kids! They want their money and they want it now. As you pull into your garage they pop up out of nowhere and shove the cookie boxes in your face and demand payment. There is no hiding. If Bin Laden had ordered Girl Scout cookies we would have captured him before the cookie money deadline I can guarantee you.
After you pay off all the little sugar peddlers you take a look at the pile of boxes and begin to add up just how much money you have spent…two boxes at a time. The way things are looking you’ll have to eat them in the dark because you won’t be able to afford to pay your electric bill.
My favorite selling point they use to peddle their cookies is that they are freezable. Freezable, really? Have you ever in your entire life heard of anyone freezing a box of Girl Scout cookies? No I didn’t think so. It’s like the people that tell you that you can freeze your leftover wine in ice cube trays to use in recipes. I don’t trust those people. Anyone with leftover wine hasn’t been raised right.
So what started out as a kind gesture to help a poor little kid get to camp had ended with you in the darkness eating cookies and drinking wine.
They’ll spend the summer at camp earning badges, while you spend it in AA trying to earn your 30 day chip!