Former presidents get their own museums, stars have their movies and athletes have their game footage. What do moms have? We have the Christmas videos.

My kids and I watched old home movies over the holidays.  It’s a favorite past time of ours because we all love to look back and make fun of each other.  Sad, but true. Nothing makes us happier than ridiculing each other during a home movie marathon.

This year in particular I began to focus on the dialogue.  In the early years the audio wasn’t the finest quality but as time went by the voices got crisper and clearer.  This particular technological advancement was not to my advantage.

One thing I noticed is that after being awakened at an ungodly hour on Christmas morning I tend to be a tad bit sarcastic(more than my normal every day sarcastic)  until I have had my second diet coke.  Unfortunately for my family the second diet coke occurs about midway through the present opening process which gives me plenty of time to make remarks that are forever preserved on video.  For example….

CHRISTMAS 2007

Michael: A Sonicare toothbrush in my stocking? (making an ungrateful face)

Me: Well, if you don’t want it I am sure there are homeless children that would love to have it!

Michael: If they are homeless how are they going to charge it?

Me: Well maybe I’ll just give them your room too and you can go live in their box!!

CHRISTMAS 1999

ME: If Daddy doesn’t get in front of the video camera and open his presents next year for Christmas he’s getting a D-I-V-O-R-C-E (Apparently I didn’t take into account that one day my children would learn to spell. Tragic mistake of a non-caffeinated person.)

CHRISTMAS 2003

Ashley was in fifth grade and for some odd reason had begun to do this baby talk thing.  After several warning looks I turned to her and said “Stop talking like that.  People are going to watch this and think you’re weird.”

These are just a few example of my charming quips and quotes that are preserved on Sony film.  In most of the movies I look like I have been hit by a truck because I was up all night “making the magic” and went to bed with my makeup on.  I have had some really weird pajamas over the years and one year I even let Michael come downstairs to be videoed on Christmas morning in his underwear and a sweatshirt.  (Shocker: I did not win Mother of the Year that year.)

My only hope is that my children watch these videos after they have children of their own.  Only then will they realize that my sarcasm was brought about by lack of sleep and caffeine, my outfits were the result of a middle aged woman’s need for comfort and when you’re awakened by excited children at 6:00 a.m. on Christmas morning after two hours of sleep, makeup is the least of your worries.

Holiday lesson learned….Momma handles Christmas morning better when she is two “drinks” in.