I arrived home recently to find my house empty and did not know the whereabouts of my teenage son.

The rule at my house is if you leave while I am at work you have to text me.  If you leave where you text me you left to go, you have to text me.  When you are home you have to text me.  I don’t think that is too much to ask.

I have explained to Michael that if he goes missing that I have to have somewhere for the cadaver dogs to begin their search.   I don’t want to be one of those mothers that has no idea where her kid is and has to have the dogs sniff his dirty baseball socks and hope for the best.  The last thing I need is some snarky little police officer saying “Let me get this straight m’am.  You don’t have any idea where you son was all day?”

No one wants to look bad during a crisis.  I will be stressed out enough wondering when the last time I had my roots done before they interview me on the Today Show. It is the same reason we clean the house before we go on vacation.  If we are tragically killed I don’t want my friends coming in to find our dirty underwear strewn across the house. I want to be remembered as the “good” mom.

So for all those reasons I was none to happy to text and call my son and get no answer.  It was one of those if he is alive I am going to kill him moments. I kept going back and forth between thinking about which picture to use for the missing poster and the over powering urge to beat him with a flip-flop,

When he was finally located he said it was totally not his fault.  He has instructed Siri on his iPhone to text me he was going to Zach’s house.  He couldn’t answer the phone because he was in the pool.  Did I want him to get his iPhone wet?

Really is this what is has come to?  Kids are going to blame their imaginary electronic friends for their mistakes?  Iguess the reminder he set didn’t go off and that’s why he forgot to take out the trash.

I told him that apparently Siri was overworked and she needed a break.  Would he prefer to give me his phone for a little R&R or would he like to text me his comings and goings?  He assured me his phone didn’t need any rest and he would text me personally next time.

It is a good thing.  I am way too tired to make posters,