After eight years of chaperoning high school dances here are a few tidbits of knowledge I feel inclined to pass on. These observations are based on my personal experiences while manning the chaperone station. No names have been used in order to protect the innocent, the stinky and the skanky.

1. Gyrating + strapless dresses = trouble. If your breasts need their own zip code the strapless style is not your friend. Think of your breasts as deadbeat relatives. They need a lot of support and no body wants to see them coming.
2. Deodorant is your friend. It should be used daily. Your charms WILL NOT outweigh your stench.
3. Girls, you should never spend more than $20 on her shoes because every girl ends up barefoot ten minutes into the dance.
4.  A necktie wrapped around your head does not make you more attractive to the opposite sex. Also, if you borrowed that necktie from your dad you should really let him know you used it as a sweatband so he can have it dry cleaned.  No man wants to be known as the man that smelled funky in the board meeting.
5. A baseball cap is NEVER considered a part of semi-formal attire.
6. When choosing a dress keep in mind that you should be able to sit in the dress. As entertaining as it is to watch you try to sit on a bleacher in a skintight dress at some point it just becomes pitiful.
7. Practice bending at the knee to reach for something on the floor.  Legs spread and waist bend moves are for later when you have dropped out and need to earn some extra cash. But for right now let’s assume that not everyone at the dance needs to see your thong or lack of one.
8. Put your phone down and dance. That’s why they call it a dance and not a stand around with 200 of your closest friends and text party.
9. If you drink and throw up at the dance it that really the good time you were looking for? I think not. I can tell you that your mother is not going to be happy if the dry cleaner can’t get the puke out of your only suit. If you hide it in your closet and try to wear it to your Aunt Lucille’s funeral she will most likely murder you and you will have to be buried in that suit.
10. There always seems to be that one girl at the dance that ends up crying in a corner surrounded by a big group of girlfriends.  If you are that girl, suck it up or go home. If you are one of the huddlers, stop giving this drama queen attention.  Go have fun, trust me she will still be doing this act at your 30^th birthday party so you will have plenty of time to console her. Once a drama queen always a drama queen.