When Michael was three weeks old Ashley announced with much disgust “he’s looking at me funny!” and the sibling rivalry began. What I had pictured as a Norman Rockwell relationship became a battlefield of “I had it first” and “he’s touching me!”.

Last night I was lying in bed going over the 1,001 things to worry about before you fall asleep list and I heard a scuffle in the hallway.

“Stop kicking me!” yelled Ashley.

“Then stop pulling my hair!” screamed Michael.

Let’s remember these kids are 17 and 13 years old. They should be way past the physical violence stage. They are both perfectly capable of doing what I have been teaching them since birth….USE YOUR WORDS!!!!

I step out into the hallway to find Michael posed to deliver another blow and Ashley’s manicured nails intertwined with Michael’s blond hair.

Ashley tried to deny that she had pulled Michael’s hair but since she had forgotten to let go of his head, her claims were futile. Michael tried to claim self defense before the story that he had jumped out and scared her was brought to light.

I just wanted to get to sleep. As Bill Cosby said, “Parents aren’t interested in justice, they are interested in quiet!”.

“Stop touching each other…forever!” I exclaimed. The reason for the fight was not clear but I gave them my usual speech of “you can’t put your hands on others, when you are older you will be so close and remember he/she is the only one that can give you a kidney!”.

Lying in bed later I wondered if they would be fighting over the chair at my bedside and arm wrestling for the remote until they started drawing Social Security.

Then I remembered how I used to fight with my brother. I was absolutely sure he was the most annoying person on the planet. Now my brother and I are best friends. He’s 41 and I am 45 so I guess I just have about 30 more years to wait for the peace to begin.