Dear Eller children:

For the next few days I will be giving you tips on how to survive the summer. By survive I mean how to make it to September without our neighbors being interviewed on Channel 4 talking about how sweet your mom “was” and how they can’t believe she just “snapped”.

Tip #1

Please do not call me at work right after lunch and ask me what my plan is for dinner.

I am treating patients.  Their therapy is valuable and my time is billable.  Neither should be interrupted.

Chances are I do not have a specific plan for dinner.  Unfortunately for you , I am not one of those moms that maps out our meals a month in advance on the calendar.  Please feel free to pretend you are on Survivor and that making dinner is your next challenge. Keep in mind that as unemployed teenagers you have no immunity and can be voted off the “island” at any time.

Unless I walk through the door with a carry out bag, dinner will take me at least thirty minutes to prepare.  It would be wise choice if you are in the kitchen to help me in some way.  Please don’t stand and whine about how you are starving all the while munching on snacks.  Children who do this and then tell me they aren’t hungry when dinner is ready run a very HIGH risk of being beaten with a wooden spoon.

Stay tuned tomorrow to learn what constitutes a “load” of laundry.

Your loving Mom