My daughter leaves for college in five days.  Five days.  She is counting down the days until she is able to enjoy the sweet taste of freedom and I am counting my emergency Xanax to see how long before I completely fall apart.

Lying in bed last night I was thinking about all the countdowns she and I had experienced together.  I began our  lifetime of countdowns with her birth.  I couldn’t wait for her to arrive.

Through the years we have counted down hours to a play date, days until school starts, days until school is out,   days until Christmas and days until she could drive.

All these countdowns were happy and exciting and eagerly anticipated.  They ended with a celebration of a momentous occasion.

This is how she feels about college.  This is not how I feel.

I feel like I just gave birth to her yesterday.  I think it  should be a law that your children can’t leave you until you have officially lost all your baby weight.  In my case we would most definitely all grow old together.

As an intelligent and practical person I am very happy for Ashley.  She is a smart and witty woman (gulp…woman?) that is destined for great things. She is more than prepared for the real world and I don’t expect anything but an extraordinary experience for her.

As a mother, I am having a hard time imagining that she will be living her life anywhere other than the room down the hall and that at the end of the night she won’t be sitting on the end of my bed telling me all about her evening.

I have watched her long curly ponytail walk away from me before….first day of preschool, kindergarten, camp and getting into a car with a boy.  Each time she took a little piece of my heart with her and I am sure the Central Michigan good-bye will be no different. The only difference will be that it will be easier to see the ponytail with my arms wrapped around her leg.  Y’all pray for me!