Date: December 24, 2011

To: All Those Receiving Gifts From Me

From: Me

In accordance with the busy holiday season, I attempted to begin my shopping and wrapping quite early this year.  I was scouring the stores in October and was quite successful in finding something great for everyone.

Wrapping, however, is another matter.

If I purchased your gift and wrapped it in October, be ready to be impressed.  You will find color coordinated paper and bows adorned with festive neatly written tags.  Just looking at it will bring a warm festive feeling to your heart.  Upon opening the gift you will find beautiful tissue paper cradling your surprise.

If your gift was was purchased and wrapped in November, you may need to be just a tad more tolerant. Instead of the warm festive feeling, you may get the feeling I was wrapping while under the influence. I attempted to coordinate and dazzle you but by that time some of the paper had gotten crinkled in the closet and all the really cute bows were gone.  You know how you buy the package of 50 bows and only about 20 of them are really awesome?  You didn’t happen to get the really awesome ones.  Also, there will most likely be no tissue paper but you will have a nice new white box.  The tissue paper obviously got into a fight with the wrapping paper as they both exited the closet looking a little haggard.

If I purchased your gift this week , I am truly sorry.  By the wrapping you will probably assume that your gift was purchased where they also sell fuel. You will most likely be receiving a gift bag that may or may not have a previous years tag half torn off.  Chances are the tissue paper does not match the bag in any way and is just there to hide the present, not to impress.  If your present is wrapped in a box please don’t be alarmed when you rip off the crinkled paper.  You did not receive a 54 pack of granola bars or Skin ID acne treatment.  They were the only boxes left in the house and on the 23rd of December you get what you get.

I know it isn’t the gift but the thought that counts but I envision myself every year with a plethora of gifts all matching and amazing.  I guess you can’t have it all, especially if you want it gift wrapped.