I hate to fly.

It isn’t that I am afraid to fly it is just that I am not a good air traveler.

When I fly it involves Dramamine, decongestants,special ear plugs and  a great deal of patience on the part of my traveling companion.  It just irks me to spend that much money on something that 99% of the time makes me want to scream, either in pain or frustration.

Things I hate about flying:

I hate that my ears pop and I can’t hear for several hours after landing.

I hate the feeling that I am going to throw up.

I hate being in the back of the plane and waiting for the dingbat lady in the third row to put on her coat and take her sweet time exiting.

I hate the little tiny seats and the people that sit in front of me that feel compelled to recline their seat into my knees.

I hate that I have to even think about the fact that my seat can be used as a flotation device and that I may at some point need an oxygen mask.

I hate take offs.

I hate landing.

I hate that while you are still attempting to drink your two ounces of diet coke you were just served by one flight attendant that another flight attendant comes by and tries to get you to throw it away.

You see I am not one of those people that is afraid to die on an airplane.  I am one of those people that by the end of the hour long flight is thinking death might be less painful and would get me off the plane faster.

Give me a diet coke, a book on tape and the open road any day of the week.