Good Moms Are Good Maters

Every time I think I have it all together and I am rocking this mom stuff I get reminded by my teenager of how off the mark I am.

Apparently my ability to incorrectly mate socks is a sign that I am not getting this whole mom thing down.

I made the grievous error of mating two Nike Elite socks as a large and an extra large. You can stop reading for a moment if you need to say a silent prayer for me.  How could I have been so blind? That must be at least a ten on the neglect meter.  There is probably a direct hotline to Child Protective Services just for Nike Elite mishaps like these. I mean really after I paid 16.00 a pair for them the least I could do is show them the respect of getting them mated correctly. [Continue Reading]

Parallel Parking Is Stupid

When do you ever HAVE to do this?

When do you ever HAVE to do this?

I am so furious!  Looks like I am going to have to use my emergency Xanax to teach Michael how to parallel park.  Now you have been along for this crazy existence that I call my life and you know darn good and well that there are many other times when this emergency pill is going to be needed.  But because this antiquated maneuver is still required before you can even begin the road test I am going to have to go to some deserted parking lot and try to remain calm while trying to teach my son to do something that I don’t even do well.  We would have a better chance of him teaching me how to shoot a three point shot.

[Continue Reading]

New Cellphone Law Has Me Laughing

bit.ly/10m2SKD Read about the new bill here!

Governor Snyder recently signed a law making it illegal for teens to talk on their cellphones while driving.  While I’m all about teens paying attention to the road and not their phones I thought the “talking” part was funny. [Continue Reading]

Talking To Teenagers….

Over the past five years I have come to realize that teenagers require a different set of communication rules. With everyone else in my life I have the ability to have a conversation. I say what I would like to say and they listen. Then they say what they would like to say and I listen. That is how communication works…unless you are a teenager.

The only way a conversation will occur with your teen is if the topic involves their car, their plans, money or the mall. Otherwise you have about thirty seconds to make your point. For example this is the conversation I would have had with my son if his attention span would allow.

“Michael, do you know you have a C+ in Spanish?”

“Yea, the teacher doesn’t teach it! I swear!”

“Well then maybe we should get you a tutor and you should spend some more time studying”

“I study all the time!”

“Really, because every time I come in your room you are playing X Box Live with the computer on your lap and your cell phone in your other hand!”

“No! I study all the time!

“Seriously? I don’t even know what your Spanish book looks like!”

AND THIS IS WHERE HIS EYES WOULD GLAZE OVER AND HIS LISTENING WOULD COME TO A SCREECHING HALT.

“Michael, you know if you don’t get a good base in Spanish I you will have much more difficulty in Spanish II and III which you will be required to take because your graduating class is the first one that is required to take three years of a foreign language. There will always be things that are difficult but you have to put forth more effort and keep your grades up. If you get Spanish over with before your junior you will have more time to focus on the ACT…….”

That part of the conversation would go on for about ten more minutes before I ask him if he understands me and he nods with a dazed look on his face.

So knowing what I know about teens this was our actual conversation.

“Michael, did you know your Spanish grade sucks?”

“Yea, but…”

“Are you going to fix this or should I get involved?”

“No, I’ll fix it”

“IF by chance you don’t fix it, don’t bother to ask to do anything outside the house during the school week, understand?

“Yea…sigh”

Of course you must have instilled a healthy fear of you actually carrying out the punishment but that is a topic for another blog.

So remember, you have thirty seconds to make your point. Practice with a stopwatch and choose your words carefully. Good luck!!!

Hungry Houdini goes to Kroger

Today I wrangled Michael into going to the grocery store with me. I find taking a teenager along is very beneficial when it comes to loading and unloading the groceries. If you wait until you get home to enlist their assistance it is much more difficult to pull them off the couch.

The first problem I encountered was that Michael was very hungry when we arrived at Kroger. This caused my cart to fill quickly with delicacies like pizza, super charged goldfish and potato chips. It’s hard to say no when your child looks like a kid at Christmas when he sees food. I just couldn’t say no to that sweet face.
Which leaves me confused about the second problem. When we got to the check out I kept seeing items that I didn’t remember placing in the cart. Apparently he was not only hungry but very slick when it came to securing additional items. His stealth hand movements had led to the purchase of white cheddar cheese popcorn, ramen noodles and various flavors of jell-o.
I was with him during the entire shopping trip and never saw those items make their way into the cart.
Just goes to show you should never take a hungry Houdini to Kroger.